When it comes to giving advice, we are the masters! Any questions, concerns or ideas ... we are always ready to provide the other with our point of view. So here is a fresh start for me. My last blog was about starting life, taking chances and about choosing the right attitude.
Instead of taking massive steps and creating unrealistic goals, I sketched out a plan that I can follow. I also made it very clear to myself that I will not put myself down or say "I was not good enough". This time, things will be different and this time, for me, it was!
My biggest struggle is procrastination, finding excuses and putting too many things on my plate. Obviously, if I am too ambitious and pile up more than I can handle, I am setting myself up for failure before I even start my quest. In addition, I take on the pressure of what other people will think; be it friends, family or then strangers. I have been captured in my personal cage. I give importance to others and feel a need to justify my situation. Do they care? Do I care? Should I care?
Obstacle 1)
As I mentioned in my last blog, I wanted to start yoga. I called up the lady in charge of yoga classes and signed up. Now, the next hurdle to cross was waking up in the morning and getting to that class. At 5:45 am, the alarm went off and the time to decide had come. I barely slept. Between the tossing turns and my husbands snoring, sleep was miles away. I was tired! I am not used to waking up soo early in the morning. "I could start tomorrow after I am well rested". What a battle!
My Solution: I changed my attitude and got rid of the "sympathy sucker" in me. It was quite amusing, not to mention entertaining to see the struggle between the lazy mind and the attitude shifts. I finally got up. I told myself it is just a matter of getting out of bed. Once I am out I will feel better. I followed through with that and just as I thought, I felt great. I dressed up, picked up yoga mat and headed off to my first yoga class.
Obstacle 2)
Feeling intimidated! A normal feeling for me is to feel insecure in the presence of people who are better, healthier, smarter and of course thinner than me. I would want to go at the same pace as others and be at the same level. That also contributes to my failure before I start. How are people looking at me? What are they thinking? Are they making fun of me? Are they disgusted of how fat I am? Do I need to justify my weight to them? WOW! Pressure to answer questions that I "think" people may be asking.
My Solution: I started looking at the things more realistically. The fact is they all have been practicing yoga a lot longer. It's just my first day. How can I possibly be at the same level as others? As far as what their thoughts of me are ... What proof do I have that they are giving me a thought in the first place? So again, it all boils down to the games I play with my own mind. Since I have understood that,
I made some changes. I took the pressure of what others 'may be" thinking to devoting my concentration to learning yoga. The truth is, if someone wants to spend their time in thoughts about me, they can go right ahead. I am now aware and know I am making a difference for me. I started something I have contemplated to start in the past 3 months. I followed through from paper to practice. That is the ONLY thing that counts.
Obstacle 3)
One of the yoga stances required had my butt fully exposed and lifted in the air. I got scared and thought ... "there is no way I can pull this off". I then saw this guy opposite of me and felt an immediate rush of embarrassment, not to mention a visual image of a sign plastered across my bum reading "wide load". Back to "Oh my God, what is he thinking?".
My Solution: I quickly shifted my attitude and gave myself a reality check. I carried on to learning the technique of this particular yoga move. I forgot about everything else. Ok, so let me humor myself here and say that others are talking about me. Why must it always be negative? It is possible that positive thoughts could be coming through. It is possible that people are inspired by the step I have taken towards personal healing. It is possible, they appreciate my efforts. In my world of thoughts, IT IS!
I finished my first class successfully. I felt great! The morning breeze was refreshing, alive and the fresh coconut water tasted delicious. But then ... I am attacked by my ball breaking thoughts again. Am I going to make it tomorrow? This just one of the things I do. I will start and then quit without even trying. You know what, I bet I am too tired to wake up in the morning. I'm sure I will find some excuse.
The Solution: Attitude Shift! I stopped worrying about what I decide to do the following day or if I make it through the week. Instead I celebrated my success for the day. I got home and had some breakfast, cooked lunch and had dinner ready for later. I also told myself it was ok if I felt tired. It was ok if I wanted to come home and sleep in the day. All I wanted to do is celebrate my success and appreciate all the efforts I put in. No more talk of what all I could have done. What I wanted was to applaud myself on all that I did. I did exactly that. I do just that!
....
I have religiously attended my early morning yoga classes for one week now. Today is the start of week 2. Each morning still brings its challenges to stay in bed and skip. To date, I start my day with a situation and a choice. So far, I have given in to waking up over sleeping in. In addition, to my week of yoga, I pushed myself to walk 6kms on a sacred Sunday morning. From doing nothing, I have started doing something. I'm going further in each class. What I mentally filed off as "impossible' is becoming "possible". I am getting past my insecurities layer by layer.
The truth is people have various ways of motivating us. Some never believe, some blow off anything we say, some are judgmental, some listen, some encourage but then some give up when we continually promise to do things but never deliver. That is a lot of pressure. It is humiliating. Hell, I don't even want to share. I feel the disappointment. I feel the reject. But, if you feel the need to share your journey, share it with a person who no matter what, does not judge. Alternatively, you could be share your insecurities. Be upfront with what will really help you. This has helped me.
An attitude shift can make a beautiful difference. Things fall in place. Happiness, Self Respect, Confidence and the honest Belief to achieve becomes a part of ones world as opposed to it being nothing more than a dream. Support, love and praise is a always a bonus from loved ones. It is how I started seeing and feeling about myself that is making the change. For months I have yearned to wake up in the morning, eat three meals, start yoga, follow through with what I say and to be active. My intentions have transitioned into my action. As a result, my faith in myself is slowly being restored. I'm happy, content and have stopped pitying me. I've got a long way to go, but I will live each day as it comes, celebrate what I am doing and not worry about the rest.
The "Queen of Lazy" has happily stepped down to the "Princess of Lazy".
Lets see what happens next :))) Just remember it's nvr2late for new beginnings.
